Dear Cat,
If you do ‘have it out with’ your mum then I would recommend waiting for a time when things are otherwise calm, and when she is most likely to listen. Make sure you don’t appear to criticise her at all, it wont help as she is likely to be distracted by wanting to defend herself, rather than listening properly to you. Simply stick with how you are feeling at the moment, and what you would like her help with. If you can display the strength to be honest about your feelings, then hopefully she will begin to understand what you need and want from her.
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